Gather around adventurers, roll for initiative, and we’ll see if your constitution stat is high enough to take on this almighty beast of a dildo—or if you’ll roll a critical fail.

The Dildos and Dragons… dildo, from Hankey’s Toys, is a scaley anthropomorphic dragon dong with plenty of details and textures. Whether you’re just a big texture lover or you want to more accurately roleplay your Dragonborn healer with the power of sex magick at your next session, the Dildos and Dragons is for you. 

(View the full video review embedded below, or on my Pornhub profile)

Design and Feel

With a pronounced head and a crown, you really start to feel this from the moment you insert, but not in a painful way, more like in a “holy fuck do that again way”. Then, down the main shaft, you have a lovely scaley texture, again not to the point of being spiked, but a lot of texture details to enjoy. Unlike a lot of toys with strong textures, the scales on this just seemed to flow really well—like a level 10 encounter, but one you’re fully rested for with all your spells memorized.

hankeys dragons and dildos rotation

Then, towards the bulbous base, there are some delightful hair-like tendrils. I’m not 100% sure if they’re supposed to be hair—I don’t think dragons are hairy, but maybe that’s just society putting unrealistic expectations on impressionable young dragons.

It has a slight curve to it, which is great for p and g-spot play. It’s not as extreme as the Captain’s Hook we reviewed, but if you were to sit on this, it would likely bend a bit, especially in this firmness. It does, however, stay nice and upright when using it with a strap-on.

6 dildos and dragons whip

Speaking of strap-ons, you can opt for a vac-u-lock cavity to be put in the base (which we did), and that means you can use it on any number of fucking machines or other accessories.

We also tried it out with a heavy-duty strap-on from the Hankey’s Toys shop.

Colors and Sizes

The D&D-inspired dildo is available in thirteen standard colors, as well as some additional UV and standard colors for extra. I opted for the signature “burnt ember” color, as well as medium firmness rather than hard, but since then, two other firmness options have been added if you like something more specific. In this case, though, the slight softness is a bit more forgiving, especially when I’m tackling larger toys like this that are just beyond my usual size.

6 dildos and dragons fucking mahcine

There are four sizes to choose from—we opted for the second one up from the smallest. These range from small/medium, which is 7.75” insertable and 7” circumference at the widest point in the middle; large, at 9.1” insertable and 8.4” circumference; then you have XL, at 10.5” length and 9.75” girth; and finally, XXXL, which is 12” insertable and 11.1” girth.

6 dildos and dragons hui front grabbing

Like all Mr Hankey’s toys, the Dildos and Dragons are made of 100% platinum-cured silicone, which is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and perfectly body-safe, as well as safe to use with any type of lubrication you want. I prefer a powdered make-your-own X-Lube because it’s a lot better value, and you can make big batches—which you’ll need for a big boy like this.

A bit of soap and water is usually sufficient for cleaning. But if you do find it’s picked up some nasty smells, you can either boil it with a dash of bleach in a really large pot or throw it in the dishwasher without a tablet.

6 dildos and dragons detail textures

I think if you wanted one fantasy dildo in your collection, it should be a classic like this—and like actual D&D, it might be a bit of a gateway, and soon you’ll find yourself banging all kinds of mythical creatures. But in the end, you’ll always come back to your first, to the classics, and Dildos and Dragons is it.

Remember, folks: a bit of chaotic evil never hurt anyone. 10/10, would bang again.