So your partner just confessed that they like wearing diapers; or even worse, you found their secret diaper stash! Now what?
What is ABDL/Infantilism?
Infantilism and diaper fetishes are often referred to collectively as ABDL: Adult Baby and Diaper Lover. It’s an umbrella term, and while diaper play will often be a part of age play, it may not be. Those who are specifically into diapers may not feel the need to pretend they’re babies, either. Someone who identifies as a diaper lover may just enjoy the feeling of wearing a diaper, and may or not enjoy messing in one. Like most kinks, it’s … complicated.
Adult Baby refers to a whole range of kinks around roleplaying as a baby, toddler, or “little”. For some, that will involve wearing a diaper, having it changed, and perhaps having another participant as a caregiver (or another little to have a playdate with).
Different Types of ABDL Play
- Daddy/Mommy Dom/Sub Dynamics: This involves a power exchange dynamic in which one partner takes on the role of a “daddy” or “mommy” and the other partner takes on the role of a “little.” The daddy or mommy may provide nurturing, comfort, and discipline to the little, who may engage in age regression or other forms of infantilism.
- Age Regression: Age regression involves the psychological process of regressing to a younger age or developmental stage. It may involve the use of adult-sized baby items, such as diapers, bottles, pacifiers, and cribs, as well as the adoption of child-like behaviors and mannerisms.
- Littles Play: One partner taking on the role of a “little,” who may adopt child-like behaviors and mannerisms, and the other partner taking on the role of a caregiver or playmate. Littles play may involve age regression, but it can also be a way for individuals to express their playful and carefree side.
- Diaper Play: Using adult-sized diapers, either for their intended purpose or just for comfort. Some individuals may enjoy the feeling of being padded or the sound of crinkling plastic, while others may enjoy the humiliation or submission associated with wearing a diaper.
- Medical Play: the use of medical-themed props and scenarios, such as doctor’s exams, injections, and hospital scenes. Medical play can be a way for individuals to explore feelings of vulnerability, trust, and intimacy, and can also incorporate elements of power exchange and domination/submission.
These are just a few examples of the different types of ABDL play, and it’s important to note that there is no one “right” way to engage in this type of play. Each individual and each relationship is unique, and what works for one person or couple may not work for another. The key is to explore your interests and desires in a safe, consensual, and respectful way, and to communicate openly and honestly with your partner
It Isn’t About Children
The first worry anyone has about either themselves or their partner enjoying diapers or age-playing as a child is that it might mean they have a sexual thing for children. They don’t. For Diaper Lovers, it’s a fetish for the diaper itself. Or in the case of infantilism, enjoying the act of regression to a child-like state.
People who enjoy regressing to a child-like state don’t do it because they find children sexually attractive. Instead, they find behaving or being treated like a child freeing.
For age players and infantilists, it’s often not even about the diapers. That’s just a tool or prop, to get them into the right headspace. This is similar to a collar for submissives, or a tail buttplug for furries. It helps to set the scene.
Of course, no one is the same, and while some age players might enjoy and encourage sexual elements when they’re in their little space, some enjoy it simply as a way to unwind. Calling your sexual partner “baby girl” or “daddy” doesn’t mean you genuinely want to have sex with your daughter or father. If anything, it’s just another form of power exchange that’s so common in many BDSM dynamics. Littles may enjoy being bratty, conscious that daddy will find ways to punish them.
Why Would Someone Enjoy Wearing Diapers?!
If you can get past the squickiness of urination being gross, it’s not hard to imagine why having a bulky warm wet thing between your legs might feel good to some people. But, again, not everyone is the same. Some enjoy the warmth of the padding, the bulk of it, or just the feeling of safety – but might not actually enjoy peeing into one. Fewer still enjoy fully “messing” a diaper.
Layering up two or more diapers, or covering them with extra padded plastic panties to get an even thicker feeling is also common.
Most enjoy the old-school feeling of plastic-coated diapers, and the loud crinkle as they move around. Some are happy with cloth diapers; while some would just like something discreet they can wear out and about, too. There’s no single answer here, and it’s up to you to figure out together how you approach this kink.
How Can You Incorporate Diapers Into Sex?
While actual intercourse can obviously be tricky when wearing a diaper, it’s still possible to incorporate ABDL elements into your sexual play in fun and exciting ways.
- Roleplay: Diapers can be incorporated into a wide variety of roleplaying scenarios, such as age regression or daddy/mommy play. You can set up a “nursery” or playroom and use diapers as a way to get into character and explore different power dynamics.
- Humiliation: For some individuals, the act of wearing a diaper can be both humiliating and arousing. You could use diapers as a way to humiliate your partner or to explore elements of domination and submission.
- Bondage: Diapers can be a great addition to bondage play, as they can be used to keep your partner in one place for extended periods of time without needing to take bathroom breaks. You can also use ABDL clothing to immobilize or restrain your partner. For instance, “ABDL Spreader Pants” force the wearer to waddle or crawl around like a baby. You’d be surprised how effective some spread legs can be at immobilizing you! Complete the look with a pacifier gag.
- Forced Wetting/Messing: You can use enemas, laxatives, or other techniques to force your partner to mess their diaper, or just encourage them to drink lots of water and hold it in as long as possible. Eventually, they’ll have no choice but to use the diaper.
- Vibrators: For individuals who enjoy the sensation of a wet diaper, you can use a vibrator or other sex toy to stimulate the genitals while wearing a diaper. This can create a more intense and pleasurable experience, and can be a great way to explore your ABDL interests in a sexual context. If your partner is known to squirt and enjoys forced orgasms, put a diaper on them, then use a strong vibrator to keep the mess inside.
- Pee Play: Try straddling your sub, pulling open their diaper, then peeing into it. Now they’ll have a nice wet diaper with which you can continue the session. Does your partner like you peeing on them, or the smell of your soiled panties? Get a fresh diaper, pee into it, then tape it to their head for the ultimate humiliation.
Remember, it’s important to communicate your interests and desires, and to establish clear boundaries and consent before engaging in any type of sexual play. As with any form of sexual play, safety, hygiene, and mutual respect should always be a top priority.
Where Can I Buy Adult Diapers?
The obvious answer is the drug store or supermarket, but that requires going through the checkout with a human. They probably don’t care what you’re buying, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you. The adult diapers you find in the supermarket will also be plain, white, and quite dull.
Instead, look online. A number of retailers and manufacturers have sprung up in the last few years offering products specifically for the ABDL market. They’re often both more playful and often more functional (ie, thicker) than those you’ll find in the supermarket aisle. Many sell a sample pack so you can try different styles and sizes before you go off buying caseloads of them. Be warned that these kinds of baby-print adult diapers aren’t cheap. Expect to pay anywhere from $2 to $4 each.
For Europeans, ABDLFactory has the widest range with discreet shipping and some customizable sampler packs. In the UK, Nappies ‘R’ Us is my favourite supplier. In the US, AB Universe is a popular choice.
Do I Have to Wear a Diaper Too?
Don’t feel like you have to jump in and be involved. Your partner may not even want you to; perhaps it’s something they’d rather enjoy on their own. It’s always okay to say “no, I don’t want to be involved with this side of you, but go ahead and enjoy it!”
Take things slowly and talk it out; try not to be reactionary. But if, after serious consideration, you’re still uncomfortable with the idea of them enjoying this at all, that’s something you’ll need to tackle as a couple. ABDL is not a “hobby” that someone can give up, so any attempts to “ban” it from the relationship will likely result in resentment. I’m not here to give relationship advice, but acceptance is key. If there’s an aspect of your partner that you absolutely cannot accept, this will not end well.
A Brief History of the ABDL Kink
While the concept of ABDL is a relatively recent phenomenon, the use of diapers as a fetish item has a long history in human sexuality. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, the “diaper lover” subculture emerged as people began to explore the erotic potential of wearing diapers as adults.
The emergence of the disposable diaper in the 1940s and 1950s made it easier for adults to indulge in their diaper fetish, as disposable diapers were more absorbent and less obvious than cloth diapers. However, it wasn’t until the advent of the internet in the 1990s that ABDL emerged as a distinct subculture.
Today, ABDL has a thriving online community, with forums, social media groups, and online stores catering to the ABDL market. Many individuals who identify as ABDL enjoy attending conventions and meetups with others who share their interests. The Reddit r/ABDL community welcomes anyone who wants to know more or get a range of opinions from actual ABDLs.
Despite its growing popularity, ABDL is still a largely stigmatized and misunderstood subculture, and many individuals who identify as ABDL struggle to come to terms with their desires due to social stigma and shame. However, as with any form of sexuality, the key is to explore your interests in a safe, consensual, and respectful way, and to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your desires and boundaries.
