Rule 34 states that if it exists, there is porn of it. Rule 35 should probably be if it exists, someone has made a dildo of it. Here’s just a few of our favorite body-safe yet unusual insertables.

Note: always be careful about the materials you put in your body. If you want something flexible, silicone is the only way to go. It’s odorless, can be boiled or lightly bleached, and isn’t porous so it won’t harbor bacteria. All the manufacturers listed on this page use body-safe silicone for their toys – we will not recommend a company that doesn’t. If they say “made of PVC”, even if it’s “phthalate free”, leave them well alone.  

Bad Dragon’s Tentacle

Bad Dragon are the ultimate producers of quality silicon dildos in less typical designs (though somewhat expensive). We could have based the entire article off of Bad Dragon’s delightful dildos alone, but that would’ve been boring, and we don’t want to sound like a Bad Dragon ad. Whether you have a thing for anthropomorphised doggy dicks, well hung horses, or wet werewolfesses (ok, my alliteration was getting desperate there) – Bad Dragon has you covered. Chose the purple and green style for a true Day of the Tentacle retro fantasy. Unfortunately, their tentacle model doesn’t have a cum-tube option (so you can attach a syringe, and really feel the beast ejaculating in you), so if that’s something you’re after, look at their numerous other models.

Primal Hardwere’s Splorch – the Ovipositor

What’s that? You’ve never heard of an ovipositor? It’s a female organ through eggs are deposited. Essentially, the alien penetrates you and lays her eggs inside. Splorch the Ovipositor comes complete with a mould to make your own gelatin eggs (this is important: if they get stuck inside you, gelatin is entirely body safe and will dissolve naturally. Not gello though! Food-grade gelatin). Then it’s a simple case of lubing her up on the inside and out, and slowly squeezing some of those eggs through. Primal Hardwere also do a range of exceedingly long and smooth tentacles – the kind you’ll see in Japanese animations, if that’s your thing.

Frisky Beast

On the budget end of beastly dildos is the Frisky Beast line, a set of no-frills anthro-dildos but still delightful colors and shapes to suit every taste. We can’t really pick a favorite – they all make us squirm with delight.

Square Peg Toys: Slink

Slink is design for anal depth play, and can go ridiculously far in. I mean, nothing compared to a Primal Hardwere tentacle, but still. The XXL model is 24″ long, and a whopping $370. Ahem.

ElypseArt’s Vixen

The artist behind these magnificent pieces does one thing and does it so gloriously well: making dildos that look exactly like a dog’s member, even down to the shiny smooth exterior. You can inflate the knot, so it sits inside, tied to you as you squirm around; and the Vixen model includes another tube through which you can squirt. No denying these are beautiful, but the $200 price tag is also rather eye-watering. Dogs not your thing? They do an enormous horse dick too. For a slightly cheaper canine alternative, check out this FetishZone Kadahr.

That’s our pick of the 5 most unique yet still body-safe dildos. Do you have a favorite we don’t know about? Let us know about it in the comments!