Want a fucking machine that will actually thrust and penetrate, not just vibrate? Here’s some solid options – and some crucial stats you should look at when buying one. (Prices and videos updated May 2020)
Things You Should Know First
- Price: don’t pay less than $300, or you’ll sacrifice power and build quality. You can certainly find sub-$100 machines to buy direct from China, but these have a non-adjustable stroke length, very little torque (certainly not enough for anal), and won’t last long.
- Torque: this is a measure of the “thrusting power”. If you’re planning to use your machine for anal, you’ll need a higher torque machine since your ass is generally a tighter hole to penetrate.
- Thrust or stroke length: This is the total length that the dildo can move back and forth, a larger number allowing for deeper penetration. Anywhere in the range of 1.5 inches to 6 inches is typical. The cheapest fucking machines (less than $300) have a fixed stroke length with a low torque (meaning, they only push a little, for a short distance). Most machines at $300+ have an adjustable stroke length, but this must usually be mechanically set before you activate the device, by moving where the rod is attached to the flywheel. Only one machine on this list – the HugHer Tango at $2500 – can have the thrust length dynamically change while the machine is operating.
- Extension rods: Fucking machines are typically quite bulky devices, so having the ability to extend the driving rod of your machine means you have more options for where to place them. For instance, if you’re lying on the bed, most machines would also need to be on the bed with you, which means they lose stability. With an extension rod, you could place it on the floor or table at the end of the bed, and extend the dildo towards you.
- Attachments: The low budget sex machines you find on Amazon nearly all use a three-pin XLR connector for proprietary dildos. These are usually jelly (PVC) dildos full of toxic chemicals that you really shouldn’t use internally. More expensive models vary: some come with a Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock adaptor, or have a universal adaptor plate available, which can attach to anything with a suction cup or using conformal bandage tape. HiSmith has a huge selection of adaptors available, as well as body-safe silicone dildos for direct attachment to their line of machine.
With that out of the way, let’s get on with the recommendations!
Recommended Sex Machines
Best Overall: App-Controlled and Good Thrusting Power: HiSmith Premium (~$500)
Sitting comfortably at the top of our recommended list is the latest HiSmith Premium model. The price, design, and build quality is similar to other models on the market, but there are a few crucial differences.
Firstly, there’s a large range of attachment options and accessories, from vac-u-lock and suction cup plates, to body-safe silicone dildos. Even the cheapest kit even comes with a nice silicone dildo in the box so you can get started right away without sacrificing safety.
Secondly, their newest model is Bluetooth-enabled, which means it can hook up to their app. The app offers live remote control, playback of dynamic program scripts, or even handing over control to anyone in the world! Of course, a standard remote control is also included, but we think the app is a huge selling point and not something that other manufacturers are offering yet.
Like all machines at this price point, the thrust length can be adjusted mechanically, though this requires stopping the machine first. The height of the machine can also be adjusted independently at both the front and back legs, allow it to be angled. It has all the torque you could need for anal penetration and large toys.
Budget Pick: HiSmith Traveller Pro (~$200)
While we’re talking about HiSmith, I did want to give an honorable budget-pick mention to their Traveller Pro model. If you can’t justify a large investment just yet, but would like to see what all the fuss is about, the Traveller Pro is a good compromise. It’s small, lightweight, but can still give you a solid rogering. We’ve even used it for anal, though it struggles with larger dildos.
As well as being compatible with the HiSmith KlicLok accessory range, it also works with their app in exactly the same way as the Premium model. To be clear though, there are some compromises at this price point. The sticky pad mounting system can be awkward, and the fixed 5cm stroke length won’t satisfy everyone. Check out our full review of the Traveller Pro over at CaraSutra.
F-Machine Pro3 (£550)
Primarily for the UK, we own an original model, which is heavier, with a power brick built into the device itself. The version now being sold is more lightweight with a separate power supply (good for repair), but otherwise the same. It comes with a Vac-u-lock connector, but a separate universal adaptor is also available to purchase.
Ken’s Twisted Mind: Sneaky Pete (~$600)
Mechanically identical to the HiSmith Premium and F-Machine Pro, but for a US market, and still lumbered with a wired controller. If the budget allows, consider picking up a Pro Stockade too, so you can lock your sub down while the machine plows them. Such fun!
Orgasm Alley BlackMagic (~$1300)
The frame and extension capabilities are the unique selling points of the BlackMagic. You can adjust it to a wide variety of heights and positions without compromising stability. However, for most people this is probably unnecessary–you’ll get just as much thrusting power elsewhere.
HugHer Tango ($2500)
The most expensive and elaborate fucking machine here, but the only one to use a unique linear actuator design that gives a variable and dynamic stroke length. Most machines have an adjustable stroke length, but it can’t be changed while in use. An on-board computer enables the Tango to be “programmed” with full sequences such as quick, fast strokes alternating with long deep thrusts, without having to manually adjust things mid-way. This is the luxury option, providing the most realistic and customizable penetration. Sadly, the software is showing it’s age, and even then it costs $150 extra and is provided on a CD! The Hugher Tango is available in the UK from SexMachines.co.uk for £2300. We think the price is just not worth it though, and given another year or so, we think we’ll begin to see some DIY fucking machines with similar capabilities, but for a lot lower build cost.
Should You Buy a Fucking Machine?
A good fucking machine will last you for many years and give you mind-blowing experiences you never thought possible. Right now, we think the HiSmith Premium is the best choice for most people. Are you thinking of picking up a fucking machine, or do you already own one? Let us know your thoughts about yours in the comments!