Want a fucking machine that will actually thrust and penetrate, not just vibrate? Here’s 5 solid options – and some crucial stats you should look at when buying one. (Prices and videos updated February 2019)
Things You Should Know
- Price: don’t pay less than $300, or you’ll sacrsacrificeer and build quality. You can certainly find sub-$100 machines to buy direct from China, but these have a non-adjustable stroke length, very little torque (certainly not enough for anal), and won’t last long.
- Torque: this is a measure of the “thrusting power”. If you’re planning to use your machine for anal, you’ll need a higher torque machine since your ass is generally a tighter hole to penetrate.
- Thrust or stroke length: This is the total length that the dildo can move back and forth, a larger number allowing for deeper penetration. Any where in the range of 1.5 inches to 6 inches is typical. The cheapest fucking machines (at around $100) have a fixed stroke length with a low torque (meaning, they only push a little, for a short distance). Most machines at $300+ have an adjustable stroke length, but this must usually be mechanically set before you activate the device, by moving where the rod is attached to the flywheel. Only one machine on this list – the HugHer Tango at $2500 – can have the thrust length dynamically change while using the machine.
- Extension rods: Fucking machines are typically quite bulky devices, so having the ability to extend the driving rod of your machine means you have more options for where to place them. For instance, if you’re lying on the bed, most machines would also need to be on the bed with you, which means they lose stability. With an extension rod, you could place it on the floor or table at the end of the bed, and extend the dildo towards you.
- Attachments: The low budget sex machines you find on Amazon or imported from China nearly all use a three-pin XLR connector for proprietary dildos. These are all nasty, jelly/PVC dildos full of toxic chemicals that you really shouldn’t use internally, and I have yet to see a universal adaptor for them. More expensive models vary, but some come with a Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock adaptor for a choice of dildos, or have a universal adaptor plate available, which can attach to anything with a suction cup or using conformal bandage tape. We’ve since purchased a universal adaptor plate for our F-Machine Pro, as we found the range of silicone body-safe dildos in the Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock range is very limited. If you have the option, I’d suggest swapping out the Vac-u-lock adaptor for a universal plate at the time of purchase.
Recommended Sex Machines
AdultRepDao FM08 ($300)
On the budget end of the spectrum is this Chinese clone of the basic Sneaky Pete / F-Machine Pro design. The machine can be used in a variety of angles, including vertical, and they sell a universal dildo adaptor ($18) as well as extension rods (also $18 for about 10″). Stroke length is adjustable from 3-15cm. We haven’t tried it, but for what it’s worth, we suspect this is identical to more expensive mid-range machines, but without the middle man and the branding. If you’re happy to buy direct from China and don’t mind potentially poor support when things go wrong, you can save yourself a bundle.
Ken’s Twisted Mind: Sneaky Pete (~$500)
Basically identical to the AdultRepDao and F-Machine Pro, but for a US market. While you’re there, pick up a Pro Stockade, so you can lock your sub down while the machine plows them.
F-Machine Pro3 (£550)
Primarily for the UK, we own an original model, which is heavier, with a power brick built into the device itself. The version now being sold is more lightweight with a separate power supply (good for repair), but otherwise the same. It comes with a Vac-u-lock connector, but a separate universal adaptor is also available to purchase.
Orgasm Alley BlackMagic (~$1300)
The frame and extension capabilities are the stand-out point of the BlackMagic. You can adjust it to a wide variety of heights and positions without compromising stability. Orgasm Alley produce a whole range of fucking machines to suit every taste, such as the Kong for deep anal with a massive 12″ stroke length. The Probe Beast is similar to those listed above, though the price depends on whether you want a Chinese motor ($650) or a “Bodlin” motor ($950).
HugHer Tango ($2500)
The most expensive one here, but that’s due to the unique linear actuator design that gives a variable and dynamic stroke length. Most machines have an adjustable stroke length, but it can’t be changed while in use. An on-board computer enables the Tango to be “programmed” with full sequences such as quick, fast strokes alternating with long deep thrusts, without having to manually adjust things mid-way. This is the luxury option, providing the most realistic and customizable penetration. Also available in the UK from SexMachines.co.uk for £2250.
A good fucking machine will last you for many years and give you mind blowing experiences you never thought possible. Are you thinking of picking up a fucking machine, or do you already own one? Let us know your thoughts about yours in the comments!