Want a fucking machine that will automatically thrust and penetrate you—not just vibrate? Here are the best options to suit any budget—and some crucial specs you should look at before buying one. (Prices and links updated September 2022)
Best Overall: App-Controlled and Good Thrusting Power: HiSmith Premium ($500)
Sitting comfortably at the top of our recommended list is the latest HiSmith Premium model. The price, design, and build quality is similar to other models on the market, but there are a few crucial differences. You can find my full review at CaraSutra.com, or check out the video. If you do decide to buy, use the link above and my discount code to get 5% off: BQTVLL2C
So why is this my first choice?
Firstly, there’s a large range of attachment options and accessories, from vac-u-lock and suction cup plates to custom body-safe silicone dildos. Even the cheapest kit even comes with a nice silicone dildo in the box so you can get started right away without sacrificing safety. If you into a little strict bondage, you might also consider combining this with a bondage frame, which screws onto on of the legs for a secure and stable fit.
Secondly, their newest model is Bluetooth-enabled, which means it can hook up to their app. The app offers live remote control, playback of dynamic program scripts, or even handing over control to anyone in the world! Of course, a standard remote control is also included, but we think the app is a huge selling point and not something that other manufacturers are offering yet. Being able to lie back and hit play on a scripted experience with dynamic speed changes is incredible.
Like all machines at this price point, the thrust length can be adjusted mechanically, though this requires stopping the machine first. The height of the machine can also be adjusted independently at both the front and back legs, allow it to be angled. It has all the torque you could need for anal penetration and large toys.
Budget Pick: Sinloli Ukelele Fucking Machine ($240)
Sinloli is actually the parent company of HiSmith, but markets an affordable fucking machine under their own brand. And you know what? It’s actually pretty good. The core technology that drives the arm is the same as the HiSmith Premium, with mechanically adjustable stroke length, as well as the ability to change the angle.
However, it’s overall smaller with a shorter stroke length, and crucially doesn’t have app control or Bluetooth connectivity. The motor is less powerful, but still enough for anal use. It’s not going to handle massive fantasy dildos, but for most people, it’ll be more than enough.
While it doesn’t have app control, the remote control does include a selection of ready-made patterns, which puts it a league above most of the other machines on this list.
As far included accessories go, the basic $240 set includes everything you could need. While the machine itself has an XLR connector, the set includes an XLR to Kliklok adapter, as well as a reasoble sized black silicon Kliklok dildo. This means you can buy other Kloklok dildos, then upgrade later to a premium HiSmith machine if you felt the need. It also comes with a plastic extension arm, a suction cup adaptor, and another XLR dildo that might be PVC (or might be a thin layer of silicon coating something else on the core—it’s not clear). But in any case, it’s a generous selection of accessories that means you won’t need to look elsewhere for a while.
F-Machine Pro3 (£649)
Primarily for the UK market, we owned an original model, which is heavier, with a power brick built into the device itself. The version now being sold is more lightweight with a separate power supply (which is good news for repairs), but otherwise the same. It comes with a Vac-u-lock connector, but a separate universal adaptor is also available to purchase.
That said, it’s recently gone up in price from around £500 to £650. That’s an enormous increase, and given the lack of app connectivity, I’m not sure it’s worth it unless you really want to buy “British”. The HiSmith Premium is superior in nearly every way.
Ken’s Twisted Mind: Sneaky Pete (~$599)
Mechanically identical to the HiSmith Premium and F-Machine Pro, but for a US market, and still lumbered with a wired-only controller. If the budget allows, consider picking up a Pro Stockade too, so you can lock your sub down while the machine plows them. Such fun! But again, we can’t see any reason to buy this over the HiSmith Premium unless you’re just averse to buying anything Chinese.
Orgasm Alley BlackMagic (~$1300)
The frame and extension capabilities are the unique selling points of the BlackMagic. You can adjust it to a wide variety of heights and positions without compromising stability. However, for most people this is probably unnecessary–you’ll get just as much thrusting power elsewhere.
HugHer Tango ($2550)
The most expensive and elaborate fucking machine here, but the only one to use a unique linear actuator design that gives a variable and dynamic stroke length. Most machines have an adjustable stroke length, but it can’t be changed while in use. An on-board computer enables the Tango to be “programmed” with full sequences such as quick, fast strokes alternating with long deep thrusts, without having to manually adjust things mid-way.
This is a luxury option, providing the most realistic and customizable penetration experience possible. Sadly, the software is showing its age, and even then it costs $150 extra and is provided on a CD! The Hugher Tango is available in the UK from SexMachines.co.uk for £2750! We think the price is just not worth it though, especially when there’s a DIY option for less than $300 that’s even better.
Open Source Sex Machine (OSSM) (~$250)
If you own a 3D printer and don’t mind a bit of tinkering, the OSSM (pronounced “awesome”) Open Source Sex Machine from KinkyMakers is simply breathtaking. With a good amount of power and a dynamically adjustable stroke length, as well as web control, it has more features than anything currently available off the shelf—even those that cost thousands of dollars more. It’s not an easy build though and of course, you’ll need access to a 3D printer (or a trusted friend to print all the bits for you), but your total bill of materials will be around $250, including filament.
Finally finished putting together the #ossm open source sex machine from @KinkyMakers – around $250 in parts and some 3D printed bits. Adjustable stroke depth and speed. Incredible! pic.twitter.com/nvm5VxkZ42
— TigerLily@SexToyDB (@Tiger_Lily_Toys) June 27, 2022
The OSSM is still in active development, which means you’ll need a bit of a tinkerer attitude to get the most from it. Most recently, StrokeEngine features have been added, which enables more realistic motion patterns rather than the usual robotic back and forth.
Honorable Mention: HiSmith Traveller Pro (~$200)
While we’re talking about HiSmith, I did want to give an honorable budget-pick mention to their Traveller Pro model. If you can’t justify a large investment just yet, but would like to see what all the fuss is about, the Traveller Pro is a good compromise. It’s small, and lightweight, but can still give you a solid rogering. We’ve even used it for anal, though it struggles with larger dildos.
As well as being compatible with the HiSmith KlicLok accessory range, it also works with their app in exactly the same way as the Premium model. To be clear though, there are some compromises at this price point. The sticky pad mounting system can be awkward, and the fixed 5cm stroke length won’t satisfy everyone. Check out our full review of the Traveller Pro over at CaraSutra, or watch the video here.
Things You Should Know Before You Buy
- Price: don’t pay less than $200, or you’ll sacrifice power and build quality. You can certainly find sub-$100 machines to buy direct from China, but these have a non-adjustable stroke length, very little torque (certainly not enough for anal), and won’t last long. You get what you pay for.
- Torque: this is a term to describe “thrusting force”. If you’re planning to use your machine for anal, you’ll need a higher torque machine since your ass is generally a tighter hole to penetrate.
- Thrust or stroke length: This is the total length that the dildo can move back and forth, with a higher number meaning it penetrates more deeply. Anywhere in the range of 1.5 inches to 6 inches is typical. The cheapest fucking machines (less than $200) usually have a fixed stroke length with a low torque (meaning, they only push a little, for a short distance). Most machines at $200+ have an adjustable stroke length, but this is usually a mechanical setting you can change before you activate the device, by moving where the rod is attached to the flywheel. Only one machine on this list – the HugHer Tango at $2500 – can have the thrust length dynamically change while the machine is operating.
- Extension rods: Fucking machines are typically quite bulky devices, so having the ability to extend the driving rod of your machine means you have more options for where to place them. For instance, if you’re lying on the bed, most machines would also need to be on the bed with you, which means they lose stability. With an extension rod, you could place it on the floor or table at the end of the bed, and extend the dildo towards you.
- Attachments: The low-budget sex machines you find on Amazon nearly all use a three-pin XLR connector for proprietary dildos. These are jelly (PVC) dildos full of toxic chemicals that you absolutely shouldn’t use internally. More expensive models vary. Some will come with a Vac-U-Lock adaptor, while some have a universal adaptor plate that can attach to anything with a suction cup or using conformal bandage tape. HiSmith uses a custom connector, but has a huge selection of adaptors available, as well as body-safe silicone dildos for their line of machines.
Should You Buy a Fucking Machine?
A good fucking machine will last you for many years and give you mind-blowing experiences you never thought possible. Right now, we think the HiSmith Premium is the best choice for most people—unless you’ve got the skills to make your own, that is!
Are you thinking of picking up a fucking machine, or do you already own one? Let us know your thoughts about yours in the comments!